In this RSD series, we’ll take an in-depth look at Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD): a significant yet often misunderstood aspect of ADHD. Whether you are living with ADHD or supporting someone who is, understanding the emotional complexities of RSD can help you navigate relationships, work, and self-esteem with more compassion and resilience.
Disclaimer: Personal Insights, Not Professional Advice
Please note, this is not professional advice, but rather insights based on my own readings and experiences in managing RSD and my journey of self-discovery and homeschooling. I hope these reflections can offer helpful perspectives as we explore this topic together. By documenting my experiences, I gain insight into triggers, coping mechanisms, and patterns that may have previously been difficult to recognize. Writing also serves as a way to process and heal, allowing me to externalize my thoughts and emotions.
As a mother of a 10-year-old daughter who also experiences emotional dysregulation due to ADHD and autism, I’ve noticed the overlap between RSD’s effects on both of us. Understanding these dynamics has helped me find more effective ways to manage the intensity of rejection sensitivity, especially as it relates to how we both experience emotions and process sensory overload.
What You Can Expect from the RSD Series
So, in this post, we’ll explore what it’s really like to live with ADHD, especially when Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) is part of the picture. The emotional highs and lows can make everyday situations feel like an uphill battle. If you’re just starting this journey, I encourage you to follow along with the full series, where we’ll dive deeper into strategies to address RSD in different areas of life, including perfectionism, emotional regulation, and building healthier social dynamics.
Note on Posting Frequency:
Please note that the posts in this series won’t be published in quick succession, as each one requires careful thought and research to ensure it’s as helpful as possible. Due to my homeschooling duties and other commitments, there may be a gap between posts. I’ll continue to share different topics in the meantime, but you can expect the next post to be available in about one to two weeks, or possibly even a month, as I take the time to write and reflect thoroughly on each topic.
Series Overview: Topics We’ll Explore
Here are the titles of the RSD Series:
Please note, the subject may change as I explore different aspects of RSD. My focus can shift unexpectedly with new discoveries in my learning process. Rest assured, by Allah’s permission, I am learning to embrace this process while staying on track!
- Part 1: Unseen Battles, Visible Struggles: How RSD Shapes Life with ADHD
- Part 2: Coping the Intensity of Rejection Sensitivity in ADHD
- Part 3: Managing Perfectionism with ADHD
- Part 4: Navigating Friendships and Social Dynamics with RSD
- Part 5: Turning ADHD Hyper-focus into a Strength
- Part 6: Balancing Self-Care with Family and Work Obligations
- Part 7: Emotional Regulation: Tips for Managing Intense Reactions
- Part 8: Parenting a Child with RSD When You Have RSD Yourself
What It’s Really Like to Have ADHD with RSD
When Life Feels Like Chaos
Living with ADHD is like being in a whirlwind that never stops. Your mind leaps from one thing to another, leaving you struggling to catch your breath. It’s not just the scattered focus or the endless list of things you’ve forgotten, it’s the emotional weight that pulls you down.
When expectations aren’t met ‘yours or others’ guilt sinks in like a heavy stone. But sometimes, it’s not just guilt. Sometimes, it’s frustration, even anger: anger at yourself for not being able to do more, for feeling stuck in an endless loop of overwhelm.
The Many Faces of Rejection
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria doesn’t just bring sadness; it ignites a fire within. When you sense rejection, criticism, or even a slight, it feels like an attack—a wound that cuts straight to the core. At first, there’s sadness, a deep ache that whispers of unworthiness. But almost as quickly, that sadness burns into anger.
It’s not always anger directed at others: it’s often anger at the situation. Anger at yourself for caring so deeply. Anger that the world feels so sharp and unforgiving. Sometimes, it feels like your mind is screaming: Why can’t they see how much this hurts? Why am I like this? It’s exhausting to be caught in this relentless cycle of sadness and rage, with no clear way out.
Being Misunderstood: “Too Sensitive” or “Too Much”
When the emotions hit, people often don’t understand. They might think you’re overreacting or being dramatic. And maybe the intensity isn’t what they consider “normal.” But these feelings are real, and they linger far longer than the moment that caused them.
The hardest part is feeling like you can’t explain it. How do you tell someone that what seemed like a small comment felt like a gut punch? Or that their tone of voice flipped a switch inside you, turning sadness into an overwhelming wave of frustration and self-doubt? It’s isolating. You find yourself constantly tiptoeing, trying to balance being true to yourself while shielding yourself from the sting of rejection.
Finding Strength in Vulnerability
The journey hasn’t been easy, but over time, you begin to realize that these feelings—whether sadness or anger—don’t define who you are. They’re big, yes, and overwhelming at times, but they pass. And in their wake, there’s strength to be found.
You learn to sit with the discomfort instead of running from it. To let yourself feel angry or sad without shame, while reminding yourself that rejection isn’t the end of your story. Journaling becomes a way to process the storm, and taking a moment to breathe helps slow the spiral. It’s not perfect—there are still days when the tidal waves feel impossible to manage. But slowly, you start to see that your sensitivity and emotions aren’t weaknesses. They’re reflections of how deeply you care and how fiercely you feel.
And maybe that’s where your strength lies.
Why It’s Not Bipolar?
When those waves of emotion hit—the crushing sadness, the fiery anger—they’re not random or cyclical like in bipolar disorder. They’re triggered. It could be a look, a tone, a missed connection, or even the perception that you’ve let someone down. These specific moments light the match, and your emotional intensity flares up like wildfire.
In bipolar disorder, emotions often arise without a clear external cause. Mania or depression can last for days, weeks, or longer, driven by internal shifts that happen regardless of external events. But for you, it’s different. Your feelings don’t linger in a constant, unprovoked way—they’re deeply tied to moments of rejection, criticism, or a sense of failure.
The Emotional Intensity Is ADHD, Not Bipolar
The anger you feel isn’t the kind that spirals into uncontrollable outbursts or aggressive behavior. It’s more like this sharp edge that cuts inward, leaving you frustrated with yourself. And the sadness? It doesn’t flatten you for days at a time; it just feels so overwhelming in the moment, like the weight of rejection is pulling you under.
You also don’t experience manic episodes. You don’t have those bursts of energy or impulsivity that feel euphoric or reckless in a way that’s disconnected from reality. Yes, YOU have energy spikes and impulsivity, but that’s the ADHD. It’s not about losing control or swinging to extremes; it’s more like riding a chaotic wave of distraction and hyper-focus.
It’s About Sensitivity, Not Cycles
For you, it all comes back to sensitivity, specifically, the emotional sensitivity that comes with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. Your emotions are intense because you care so deeply, because you feel so strongly. It’s not about your brain flipping between highs and lows on its own; it’s about how much you internalize the world around you.
So while the overlap in symptoms might make someone wonder if it’s bipolar, you know it’s not. For you, the emotional intensity is part of living with ADHD and RSD—raw, powerful, and deeply tied to how you interact with the world.
The Double-Edged Sword of Sensitivity: Intuition or Emotional Overload?
According to Dr. Hafiz Sulaiman, a doctor from Malaysia who transitioned from mainstream medicine to becoming a nutritionist specializing in nutritional medicine for conditions like GERD, eczema, and histamine intolerance (though it’s pseudoscience for you, no worries, I don’t judge), people with hypersensitivity are often seen as highly intuitive. But don’t flatter yourself if you feel like you have some special “sense”. It’s just your sensitivity at work. This sensitivity is like a double-edged sword: it helps you pick up on things, but it also makes you more vulnerable to emotional pain. Even if you can recognize things others can’t, it’s still just the way your sensitivity operates.
When you’re too sensitive, it can even manifest physically—like GERD, eczema, and other ailments you might not always connect to emotional stress. It’s a bit like the histamine bucket theory: you can only tolerate so much before your “bucket” overflows. Once your sensitivity reaches its limit, your physical and emotional responses become overwhelming, showing up as reactions like eczema, headaches, or digestive issues, often triggered by what would otherwise be minor stressors. That’s why people like us often get too distracted to care about our foods. At the end of the day, we have some physical and emotional exhaustion that makes it harder to stay mindful of our needs.
Is ADHD with RSD Genetic?
Knowing my older girl inherit a similar clinical ADHD with RSD, it’s like a mirror reflecting my own struggles. I see their emotional rollercoasters, and it hits hard: because I know what they’re feeling, and it’s a weight I don’t want her to carry. It’s frustrating to watch her go through the same things I’ve faced, the intensity, the hypersensitivity, and that constant fear of being misunderstood. I want to shield them from it, but I know that they have to journey their own storms, just like I did.
It wasn’t until after my daughter’s diagnosis that I realized, “Wait, I’ve been struggling with the same issues all along!” I didn’t seek a diagnosis because of these similarities, but when I mentioned my concerns about possibly having early onset dementia due to memory issues, my psychiatrist looked deeper into it. After ruling out depression (since my MDD wasn’t as intense as before), the diagnosis of ADHD came to light. Upon reflecting on it, I also noticed how these struggles run through my maternal family—my mom and my younger sister (who refuses to get diagnosed). I can sense that her intensity might even be higher than mine. It’s like this pattern has always been there, but it took my own diagnosis for me to fully see it.
And here I am, choosing to homeschool with ADHD and RSD. I hope you understand why I open up about this struggle: it’s not just a personal experience, it’s a clinical condition. The emotional toll isn’t something easily seen from the outside, and it’s a battle that isn’t over once the school bell rings or the day ends. It’s constant, pervasive, and exhausting.
Key Differences Between ADHD and MDD
ADHD and MDD are distinct conditions, though they share some overlapping symptoms. ADHD is primarily characterized by issues with attention, focus, impulsivity, and hyperactivity, often manifesting from childhood and persisting into adulthood. It involves fluctuating energy levels and emotional dysregulation based on external stimuli. In contrast, MDD is a mood disorder centered around persistent sadness, hopelessness, and a general lack of motivation. Depression typically involves low energy, withdrawal, and a pervasive sense of worthlessness, often triggered by life events, and can be episodic. While both can impact emotional regulation, ADHD’s challenges are task-dependent, while MDD is more about enduring emotional pain.
ADHD and MDD: A Fading Journey, Leaving Behind My Genetic Condition
I’ve experienced both ADHD and Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), but over time, the intensity of the depression faded, leaving behind my genetic condition: ADHD. The symptoms of MDD lessened as my mood stabilized, likely due to the overlapping symptoms of ADHD, which I now recognize more clearly. While the emotional toll of depression has subsided, ADHD’s persistent traits, like forgetfulness, focus challenges, emotional sensitivity, and task-related struggles—remain, influencing how I navigate daily life. It’s been a journey of understanding how these conditions intertwined and shaped my experiences.
Masking My Emotions
When I was in school, I used to hide the intensity of my emotions by masking them. Deep down, it was very painful, but back then, I was younger, full of energy, and somehow able to push the sadness aside. I could mask my feelings at school, but as I grew older and entered the workforce, I could no longer maintain that facades. My sensitivity showed whenever I was triggered, revealing emotions that had been deeply suppressed during my school years.
Masking is a coping mechanism used by individuals, especially those with conditions like ADHD or autism, to hide or suppress their natural emotional responses and behaviors in order to fit in or meet societal expectations. This often involves mimicking social behaviors, hiding intense emotions, or pretending to be more emotionally regulated than they actually feel. While masking can help individuals avoid negative judgment or misunderstanding, it can be exhausting and emotionally draining over time, as it requires constant effort to hide one’s true self. In some cases, it can lead to feelings of isolation, anxiety, or emotional burnout.
Unmasking
In the context of ADHD, unmasking refers to letting go of the coping mechanisms or strategies that someone with ADHD may have developed over the years to fit into societal expectations. People with ADHD often mask their symptoms by forcing themselves to behave in ways that feel unnatural or suppressing their true feelings, especially when they feel misunderstood or judged. This can mean hiding their struggles with focus, emotional regulation, or impulsivity to avoid being seen as “different” or “disruptive.”
For someone with ADHD, unmasking can be a transformative process: revealing the true impact of ADHD on their life without trying to constantly hide it or push through it. It involves acknowledging and expressing struggles without shame, but it also comes with its challenges. In the context of Islam, unmasking ADHD doesn’t mean letting go of the discipline and self-control that are integral to Islamic teachings. Instead, it means allowing yourself the grace to express your difficulties, seek help, and be understood, while still adhering to the values of patience, respect, and modesty.
Unmasking ADHD as a Muslim:
- Acknowledging Your Struggles: Unmasking means recognizing and accepting that ADHD is part of your journey and Allah’s creation. You don’t have to hide your struggles out of fear of being seen as less capable. Islam encourages self-awareness and seeking the best version of oneself, which includes understanding your strengths and challenges.
- Seeking Support: Unmasking also means allowing yourself to seek support from others, such as family, friends, or professionals, without feeling ashamed. Islam encourages seeking help when needed, as asbab (means) to get closer to Allah, as long as it’s in a way that aligns with modesty and does not expose one’s weaknesses unnecessarily.
- Patience and Self-Control: While unmasking involves being more open about your struggles, Islam emphasizes patience (sabr) and self-control. Even in the face of ADHD challenges, it’s important to find strategies that are in line with Islamic principles, such as managing impulsivity with mindfulness and regulating emotions with self-restraint.
- Respecting Boundaries: While unmasking means being more authentic, it’s important to maintain Islamic guidelines around privacy. You can express your challenges without over-sharing or violating the dignity of yourself or others. Islam encourages modesty and keeping personal matters within appropriate boundaries.
Rediscovering Writing
One thing I remember vividly during school days is that I was a writer at heart. Writing was my outlet, my way of processing and expressing what I couldn’t say out loud. I even won writing competitions at school: a bittersweet achievement because it was my way of coping with emotions I couldn’t openly share.
Eventually, I left writing to pursue a different career path, but now that I’ve returned to it, I feel more grounded and sane than ever, alhamdulillah. Writing has become a way for me to reconnect with myself and find peace amidst the chaos. Interestingly, during the investigation of my diagnosis, the psychiatrist discovered that I was a writer. They usually suggest journaling, but they encouraged me to pursue writing—at 40 years old! It was a reminder that some paths are meant to be revisited, no matter when.
Looking back now, I’ve come to understand these struggles through the lens of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), a clinical term that finally gave a name to what I’d been feeling all those years. RSD explained the deep emotional responses I had to perceived rejection or criticism, and why masking became a survival mechanism for me.
Why I’m Sharing This: A Personal Reflection
I appreciate you sticking with me through this detailed exploration: it’s a topic close to my heart, and I understand how ADHD brains often struggle with patience for lengthy reads. I’ve been there, done that. But there are others like me who, despite the overwhelm, will push through and read it all. I write this not only to share my journey but to let others with ADHD and RSD know they’re not alone. The struggle is real, but so is the hope. And even though the path is challenging, there’s strength in facing it together.
What’s next?
So now, you’ve gotten a sense of what it’s like to live with ADHD and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). we’ll dive into some real-world strategies for coping with the intensity that comes with rejection sensitivity. Trust me, I’ve got some tips and tools that helped me, and I can’t wait to share them with you. See you in Part 2, in shaa Allah, where we’ll talk about how to handle the emotional rollercoaster a little more smoothly!
Part 2: Coping the Intensity of Rejection Sensitivity in ADHD
